Sunday

One of the great benefits in my life that increased T'ai Chi practice has brought is relief from many years of lower back pain. Since before my operation to remove a ruptured spinal disc, I have had pain every morning, whatever bed I slept on or exercise regime I tried. Two months ago I began to train with David almost every day and about 2 weeks ago I woke up knowing something was different. It was my first completely pain-free morning for as long as I could remember. The spiralling constant motion of our T'ai Chi, the nurturing of the spine by tucking the tailbone in gently and the relaxing of tension are all helping to heal a very old injury.

Yesterday, however, I pulled my back for the first time in ages. I was barely bending over, just putting T-shirts away in the drawer. Perhaps the severe cold here, after a week in warmer London, meant my muscles were tense and prone to injury. Or maybe I was distracted and full of thoughts, so not paying attention. Whatever prompted the event, it is now very painful and physically difficult to tuck my sacrum in at all and to be in 'good posture' as instructed by my teacher. It is interesting watching my reactions to this, especially as I was teaching for 4 hours today. Whilst asking the students to be gentle, listening and soft with each other, internally I was being very hard on myself, frustrated at my posture. Also, even though I hardly had my tailbone visibly sticking out, it felt like there was no connection to the ground in my postures toward the end of the lesson. Uprooting became impossible. Not being able to rest back into my posture weakened my root; and combined with intermittently dwelling on self due to pain, this meant I was feeling like a beginner again in terms of not being able to 'do' what I thought I should be doing. Actually, this has been a very helpful thing.

It was a productive session. Passing on short form corrections, applications and clarifications from Mark is always good. In partner work we are trying to practise gently with each other, really listening, laying ourselves alongside the partner rather than against them, stopping 'doing things': mostly things I was working on in London with Mark, which made me feel like a beginner then too. Today the students found themselves unable to go through the motions and having to really listen or they would find themselves asking 'what happened there?'.