Feeling Vulnerable

Students have sometimes told me they sometimes feel vulnerable, especially during their early experiences of sticking. I just wanted to write a few words here as another student recently spoke to me about this, and it is a recurring theme. Firstly I must say that I often feel vulnerable when sticking with my teacher, and with other T'ai Chi people too. This is not a bad thing at all. Recently a student asked what they were doing wrong to feel that way. I said that they were actually doing something very much right.

If you are really sticking / listening, or being stuck and listened to, it can be disconcerting, as it is nothing like the superficial listening that characterises much of everyday life. If you are really letting go of self and joining with the other, softening, melting, relaxing; then it is not surprising that communication takes place on a deeper level, tears can well up, we can feel exposed, revealed or uncomfortable. This is alright! Part of us feels like running away at this point, and sometimes students leave class after first feeling this, which is such a shame as they are just beginning to get somewhere.

If you have felt or feel these things, then please know that it is perfectly normal and nothing to react against and become scared of. Class is a safe place. We make sure that there is a supportive and friendly atmosphere. If you feel exposed you may actually be really being listened to for a change. Try to relax and continue, with whatever feelings arise, comfortable or not, and pass through them rather than worrying or trying to think your way round it all to avoid feeling anything strange. You can always speak to myself or David, or with Mark when he is up, if you would like to. The truth is that we learn most in these unfamiliar and challenging places, much more than in our comfort zone of familiarity. There are many T'ai Chi classes as well as other activities where we can feel cozy and never find our edges, or ever have the chance to become softer and work on lessening our reactive habits.

Perhaps gently carrying on when we feel like retreating is the best thing that we can do. I encourage any students to do this with when they feel somewhat vulnerable, as it can be a sign of letting go of resistance and the start of yielding. This practice still seems to be appropriate at whatever level we find ourselves at.