1. Be gentle with one another, especially at the moment when someone is being less than gentle with you.
2. Judgment and pontification are like wearing stupid hats. These hats are only impressive to other judgmental pontificators, who will engage one in lively debate. This is really only about comparing the size and magnificence of the hats. Leave the stupid hats to actual judges and the Pope.
3. Listen to the energy behind a communication, rather than the words / actions. We have heard this one so many times, and it's really difficult for those of us who have spent a lifetime cultivating words, 'saying what we mean' and trying to be clear communicators. Never mind, keep trying, even if you mess up. Have another go, fail better, as Beckett said.
4. Righteousness and self-righteousness are deadly. See: Iraq, Burma, China, Glasgow airport, gangs of Peckham, etc, etc, etc. When we think 'I absolutely know I'm in the right and they are wrong' then it's only a few minutes until war, confrontation, winners and losers, or simply ignoring the other's humanity.
5. Justifying one's grievances sucks. 'I only did that because I thought you were against me'. We all sometimes lash out. Take responibility for it, then make amends.
6. Even with the best of intentions, realise there can be misunderstandings. This works best starting with those closest to us where there's just the occasional blunder. The trick is to extend it towards folks who don't even seem to like you. Then it all feels a lot less personal.
7. Cultivate doubt. (Be wary of unquestioning faith). Be skeptical, especially don't take what you think or emotionally feel to be truths. Of course it's convincing! Pinch of salt. All people and things are conditioned and subject to change. Test things out in the crucible of ones own life. 'Place no head above your own' -Buddha.
8. Listen to plain song, or progressive rock music, or Stravinsky, or gamelan, or a cat fight, birdsong, your lover's heartbeat, traffic, the sea. We can tendrilise the world and all things in it with our listening. By this I mean out-reaching. We can also do this with our eyes, noses, sense of taste, our hands and all our skin, and also with our hearts and minds. Ears are really good to start with, though. Actively listen to a new or old thing. Reach out to it, meet it halfway and hear it transform. This creates a whole new thing.
9. Stop being so po-faced. In dealing with one's 'self', it helps to have a sense of humour. For those of us who started with only a vestgial ability to laugh at ourselves, this takes some work. But it can be done. If I can, anyone can.
10. Never, ever, give any credence to: lists, anything at all said on blogs or to the thoughts of strange women who like cats.
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